01 November 2016
The usual sickness and tiredness. I honestly feel so tired. I just have no energy. I’m still falling asleep on the couch at night as soon as Michael takes Alfie up for a bath and on the two days in the week that I’m at home in the afternoon’s, I’m getting Alfie to have some quiet time just so I can lay on the couch and rest. The sickness has been back this week, mainly in the morning’s before work which I’m really struggling with and I had a really bad episode on Saturday afternoon. I’d had a glass of fresh orange whilst Michael and Alfie had gone to the pie shop for dinner. I managed three mouthful’s before having to run upstairs – it’s the worst sickness I’d had yet and I do think it’s down to the orange as the last time I had it I’d also had a bad sickness episode. This which resulted in me spending all day and night on the couch and phoning in sick to work on the Sunday. I felt so rough and it was made worse by the fact I’d barely eaten or drank anything. I felt so bad for phoning in sick, but I hadn’t moved for a day and I had zero energy and could barely open my eyes – it had really knocked me for six!
This little pickle is now about the size of a blueberry, which is still so small! It’s fingers and toes are webbed and it will be jumping about all over the place. Interestingly, by week 7, the embryo has already gone through three sets of kidney’s, but they’ll start to grow their final set this week.
How I’m feeling?
Honestly? I feel rubbish! I’m feeling sick most of the time, I’m being sick or heaving most morning’s, I’ve no energy to do anything but mostly I feel guilt. Guilt that I can’t be the Mummy Alfie deserves because I’m so rough all the time, guilty that he has to come down to give me a kiss night night because I’ve no energy to crawl the stairs, guilt that I’m relying so heavily on Michael to do everything including all the cooking when he’s been at work all day. I know how precious this time is and I’m really trying to remind myself that the sickness means that the baby is growing as it should, but I feel helpless. I’m worried about the strain I’m putting on Michael with all the added pressure and upset that I’ve no energy to do anything with Alfie and all I want to do is sleep.
I’m finding it really hard. Especially on my long days at work (I work three full days 8-5 and two half days 8-12). I don’t want to wish the time away as this well could be the last time I’m pregnant, but I just want this feeling to go and for me to have some energy so I can start to enjoy it more.
This is hard.