Still 01 November 2016
To be honest, this week hasn’t been too bad. On Monday, I was sick before work and I felt pretty rubbish all day, well in to the evening. Alfie had been poorly with a cough and cold and had been up quite a lot in the night and ended up in our bed, so I was extremely tired, which I think made the sickness worse.
I’m still feeling really tired and I’m totally off food still, but I’m just relieved not to have suffered too badly with sickness this week and having a few days with no sickness has been a welcome break.
How is baby?
The baby’s heart is now fully formed and it’s heart will be beating two or three times faster than mine. The jaw is also starting to form, with all the milk teeth, which we won’t start to see until around 6 months old. Fingers and toes are no longer webbed and the baby can move it’s arms from the wrist and will be able to make little jerky movements. Amazing.
How I’m feeling?
Honestly? Not great. I remember reading a post by my lovely blogging friend Charlotte, before I was pregnant, where she talks about how grateful she is to be pregnant, but how hard she’s finding it (you can read the post here) and I can totally relate to how she was feeling.
Pregnancy is the most wonderful thing in the world. To grow your baby inside of you for nine months and have this unbreakable bond with someone you haven’t even met, well, it’s just incredible. That’s not to say it’s not hard though. I’ve found this time round so much more difficult. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older, because I have a three year old to look after whilst I’m not feeling my best, or if it’s just been a more difficult pregnancy, but I’m finding it hard. So much harder than I thought I would. I’m consumed by guilt at the moment. I’m not spending enough quality time with Alfie, I’m not able to pick him up when he asks. I’m very aware of lifting heavy things in these early weeks and sadly that also means Alfie too. On the whole, he’s understood in his own little way, but it’s also meant that Michael has also been picking up a lot of the slack whilst I’ve not felt up to it.
I feel like I’m failing at being a wife as well as a Mummy. I see the pressure Michael is under – he’s working all week, sometimes driving four hours a day if he’s working at the other site, he’s then coming home and taking over with Alfie straight away, which includes making tea for them both and sometimes me too, he’s also doing the bed time routine, which he’s always done, but after getting in and having to make tea, it’s meant he’s not been sitting down till 9pm some nights, from 7am in the morning. I feel like I’ve neglected him and it has caused tears on occasions (mine not his, I might add).
I’m incredibly lucky that he’s been so understanding and has never once moaned or complained about having to do so much around the house and with Alfie, or the fact that his tea isn’t on the table when he gets in after a long day. I’m so blessed to have him by my side supporting me through this journey.
Hopefully it won’t be long until I’m over the sickness / tiredness and I can start to enjoy this pregnancy.
I also had my second midwife appointment this week, but there’s nothing really to report as I was only in there about five minutes whilst she did a quick blood test. I get the results back at my scan in a couple of weeks.