How is Nate?
Sadly, he seems to be suffering with wind more than ever this week, which has made for a very unhappy little baby. It’s been hard seeing him so unhappy screaming and writing in pain, but other than wind him, bicycle his legs, rub his belly, there’s really not much we can do. We are using infacol and gripe water, but they don’t seem to be giving him much relief. He is worse at night, but he’s also really upset all through the day too. We seem to have a couple of bad days, then a day where he’ll be really calm and sleep for most of it, then we’re back in the cycle of him crying and only cat napping cos his belly ache is waking him up. It’s been hard. I’m not going to lie. On top of that, he’s still also suffering with baby acne. His spots are clearing with the help of kokoso coconut oil, but his eyebrows have scabbed over which you can see in the picture – they look terrible and actually quite painful but don’t seem to be bothering him. I’m hoping it’s cleared up in time for Christmas!
Never would I have believed that I’d still be feeding five weeks in. After those first few days where I was ready to give up, I’m am SO pleased that I didn’t. The next big step for me is feeding him in public, which I’ve not done yet. I fed him at our local garden centre last week when we were at a party with Alfie, but there was nobody around and only 2 people walked past me when I was feeding, so I just put the muslin over me. It would seem that Nate doesn’t like being covered up because when I did try to use the muslin, he got really fussy and kept coming off to whinge. I’m actually quite a shy person and can’t imagine getting my boobs out to feed him, but I think once I’ve done it a couple of times, it’ll get easier every time after that. Alfie understand that I feed him and if he cries he’ll tell me that he think Nate wants either a breastfeed or some booby milk. It’s quite sweet really.
With him suffering so badly with wind, he’s not sleeping in the day as much as I’d like and when he is it’s usually on me or in my arms, which is exhausting. I’ve been using the sling to help keep him upright and more often than not, within five minutes of him being in it, he’s drifted off to sleep, so I tend to leave him there as I know he’ll have a good sleep. Night times are ok – I’m usually up once a night to feed him, but a couple of times I’ve been up twice. Once he’s had his feed in the night, he’ll go back off to sleep relatively easily and will usually sleep until Michael and Alfie get up but sometimes he’ll sleep longer and not wake until 8ish. Once he’s been fed in the morning, he’s been going back to sleep for another couple of hours. I feel like we are ever so slightly getting into a routine – we don’t have set feeding times but I know he’s feeding every 2-2.5 hours. Hopefully over the next few weeks, we’ll be able to get him into a proper routine. Christmas is worrying me a little bit as there’s always so much going on and I know he’ll be being passed around a lot, so I don’t really want him missing his naps too much. I think I’m going to have to take the sling wherever we go so that if there is too much going on for him to nap, then I know putting him in that will settle him.
How am I
Exhausted! This week has been SO tough. My ears are ringing from the sounds of his cries. Today, for example, he woke crying at 9.30 and has barely stopped all day except to feed and nap. It’s draining and tiring. Not only that, I feel sorry for Alfie, because it’s taking me away from him. I can’t put Nate down to spend some time with Alfie because Nate is constantly crying and will only settle in my arms, on my chest or in the sling. I did manage to put him down for 20 minutes today and Alfie helped me put the stocking’s up but then Nate woke and was fussing which eventually led to a cry, so I had to get him and calm him down. Alfie has been really understanding and hasn’t once complained. Occasionally he will say to just put Nate in his crib, but once I explain it’ll wake him up and make him cry, he accepts it. When I had Alfie, it wasn’t this intense as he was formula fed, so Michael could tend to him and give me a break and he would do the night feeds at the weekend. But as I breastfeed Nate, there’s only me who can feed him and whilst I’m only up once a night (usually), sometimes I can be up for an hour at a time, so it is taking it’s toll. As hard as it is though, I’m completely besotted with him and I love having a newborn again. It’s funny how much you forget in four years as I do feel like I’m starting all over again.
I know it’s not always going to be this tough and I know he’s not always going to cry so much, so I’m really trying to embrace the good parts, because I know it’ll be too soon before he’s independent just like his big brother and he won’t need me so much. So for now, I’ll enjoy the extra cuddles I get whilst I’m comforting him and whilst we are co -sleeping, because I know how much I’ll miss them when he’s grown up.
A few snaps from this week