Emotional Ramblings

Three years of Blogging!

Three years ago yesterday, I published my first blog post to share our ‘Me and Mine’ photo for February 2014.

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I’d been reading blogs for about six months and had wanted to start my own, but I didn’t know where to begin but through reading blogs, I came across Lucy’s blog Dear Beautiful Boy who thought up the ‘Me and Mine’ linky and loved the idea of taking a family picture every month and it’s probably been the very best thing I’ve done through blogging.

I haven’t blogged often during those three years. I could never seem to get into a good rhythm with it and so I’ve dipped in and out since I started. When I look back, there’s some months where I have literally only done one or two posts and some months where I didn’t blog at all – after I got married in 2014, I seemed to go on a complete hiatus and stopped blogging from August 2014 until January 2015. Also, at the end of 2014 and all through 2015, something really personal happened which really took it’s toll on me. It was something I desperately wanted to write about, just to get it out of my head, but it wasn’t appropriate as it wasn’t my story to tell as such. I really struggled during 2015 and as I wanted to keep this blog a happy place, it was sometimes easier not to write than pretend everything was ok, when it really wasn’t.

I do often wonder where I’d be now if I’d have been more proactive during those three years. If I’d have written more and practiced my photography, would I have started to earn from it or be given opportunities from it? Don’t get me wrong that’s not the reason I started at all. In fact, when I did start, I didn’t even know that people made a living from blogging! The reason I started is because I wanted to capture memories for Alfie. I’ve always loved taking pictures and I used to write in diaries when I was a teenager so a blog just seemed like a natural progression for me to record all those memories for Alfie for him to look back on (and now Nate).

Nate, my youngest, is now four months old which means I’m almost half way through my maternity leave. As the months pass by and it gets closer to me returning to work, the thought fills me with absolute dread. Don’t get me wrong, I work for a great company and I like my job, but the thought of being away from Nate is really difficult for me to accept. As of yet, the longest I’ve left him for is half an hour and that’s only to go upstairs for a bath!! I don’t know if it’s because I breastfeed him, or because there’s a very real possibility that he’s our last baby, but I’m just not ready to leave him. Which is why I wish there was some way to be able to make a little bit from this blog, just enough so I didn’t need to go back to work. We are surviving on my maternity pay and we all know how little that is!

I do feel disappointed that I haven’t blogged more over those three years. There’s so much I’ve missed out on – I’ve not even blogged about our wedding or honeymoon, Alfie’s second birthday, Christmas’. Why? Why did I not do this? Would it have been the end of the world if the photo’s I’d taken weren’t worthy of awards? They’ve have still been us, a moment and a memory that was captured. I go from having so much to write about to nothing at all and I think that is where I struggle – our lives really aren’t that interesting and I feel like we don’t do things that are worthy of writing about. Maybe that’s where I’m going wrong. Ultimately, this is about capturing our every day lives and that shouldn’t mean just the exciting things… Linky’s like ‘Me and Mine’, ‘The Ordinary Moments’ and ‘Sibling’s’ prompt me to take photo’s and to write and for that I’m grateful to have discovered blogging.

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to blog more and I’m really hoping that I can fulfill this resolution this year because I want to record these memories as much for me as the boys.

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